13/9 to 19/9 - the week when I discovered the German YMCA

A new week started with yet more form-filling - I went to the town hall to register with the town (otherwise you're just a tourist forever, and noone wants that). I became officially a resident of Dortmund which was obviously an excuse for a party, so went to the Monday bar and ended up playing German drinking games afterwards with a danish man-mountain called Iver, where I learned my first German drinking song - Ja wohl, ja wohl, wir trinken Alkohol/wir haben keine Wasser so wir trinken Alkohol (Ja wohl ja wohl, we’re drinking alcohol, we don’t have any water so we’re drinking alcohol – to be fair, beer is cheaper than water anyway so it’s pretty sensible) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPthKls4bBY

The rest of the working week was spent worrying about an 'international breakfast' where each country represented in Dortmund needed to cook a breakfast and present their country. As the only Englishman I felt a big responsibility to show them the wonders of an English cooked breakfast. This involved an hour's round trip to find baked beans (yeah, I don't know how they cope either) and almost brought me to the point of killing my own pig for the sake of a black pudding, but I remembered how much Germans love their Schwein and left that tasty morsel off the menu.

When it came to it, I made the breakfast perfectly and presented it proudly, before being made to wonder why. I mean don't get me wrong it's what hungover Saturdays are made for, and special in it's own way, but when placed next to these colourful reds from Spain, nutty delights from Turkey and purple stained sticky rice from Korea it seemed a bit too much like a heart attack in a meal. The whole thing was set up as a buffet, and it was hilarious to watch people attempting to work out how to place sausage and beans next to yoghurt and rye bread. My video of cheese rolling redeemed things though and showed people we're pretty fucking cool after all.

The weekend saw a visit of Cologne  (or should I say Köln) which was a major letdown. The cathedral is awe-inspiring - the swarms of lecherous people singing at you, their eyes just saying "you have money. Give me money. Smiley face." were not so endearing. We were taken to a Lindt chocolate factory, with the opportunity to gawk through glass walls at poor factory workers. For something so sweet it left a bitter taste in the mouth (sorry!). Even going up the tower of the cathedral was a bit sickening. Not really sure what possesses tourists to climb one of the few historical things actually left around here and write 'I heart you babe'. Maybe climbing 533 steps makes them think they've earned the right, god knows.

After that little rant, Sunday was really nice. Went to a little Strassenfest in Bochum, met Germans, ate sausage, drank beer, and watched the football. More like it.

At this stage I realised I'm getting a big liking for Schlager music, which is basically a mix of techno, oompah, and really cheesy pop, and when they play it in bars it GOES OFF. Big time. The absolute classic (I'm using that word quite loosely) can be found here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-_xXfjB3AM&feature=related  


Obviously all the actions that the strange old geezers in the video are doing are all part of the fun - it's the German YMCA - noone would listen to it in their free time but get a room full of beered up and shameless people together and it's the funniest thing ever. If someone wants something even better then I'll email you 'Lecker Lecker Schokolade', where a man talks about his lady being sweet like tasty tasty chocolate. Strange, these Germans 

Der Anfang... first week and a bit in DO (3/9 to 12/9)

So, after meeting my delightfully named coordinator Frau Kuhnt, a very tall man with blonde hair called Matthias (always nice when people fit a stereotype) showed me to my 'Wohnheim', which is essentially a quite basic room with bed, fridge and little ensuite shower. Major plus though - it's directly next to a holy trinity of German shops. Schlecker, Lidl and a Bäckerei are right there, and a quick scan round Lidl to find the 6 pack of beer for 1€69 and a litre of wine for 99 cent helped reassure me that I'm in for a fun year here!

All moved in, me and my parents decided to get the S-Bahn (which runs directly from the Uni, handy), into town. Big mistake. Having been massively relieved to leave Bradford on the eve of a big far-right demo, it turns out we just moved to somewhere boasting a huge Nazi demo tomorrow. Not so clever. Even worse that I was wearing my black jacket and black jeans, I really have to say I've never felt so conspicuous in my life. After a nice beer and odd Ruhrgebiet food, we decided to scarper, and I ended up spending a night watching American Pie 2 in German and drinking Yorkshire Tea. An odd day to say the least.

The weekend was the weekend of awesome German flea markets. At the one at the Uni I got myself a huge carrier bag of yoghurt and puddings for 5€, which I considered to be a pretty good day's work. On Sunday I wandered over to the biggest park in Dortmund (Westfalenpark), to find that the whole huge place had been taken over by a flea market. I left there with a bike for 40€, German scrabble and a Deutschland leiis. Not bad. Going up the TV tower showed me how green Dortmund actually is - since the place was bombed to shit in the war they've gone about making it actually really nice and habitable, top notch trains and bike lanes everywhere.

On Monday I saw my ERASMUS group for the first time, and more importantly discovered the wonders of the Mensa (student canteen). For the paltry sum of 1€85 you can get a big piece of meat (nice and stereotypical) with 3 extra dishes. I plan to just eat that every day and just keep myself going with Marmite and beer after that. I also went to WENKER's Bar.

Tuesday saw the start of my language course, and my realisation of how much beaurocracy there is here. In order to get a little job helping at the stats department I first had to fill in my name, address, DOB etc and sign at least 8 forms, after which I was told I still needed a health certificate, passport photos, a tax card, a CV and my full bank details. Unbelievable. I later found out that in order to get internet in my block I need to send a FAX to a company for them to set it up - its like living in the 80s. I also met my coordinator Frau KUHNT.

Wednesday was the first big party in SPUNK, which is one of the best student nights at the Uni (basically every block has their own bar which is open one night a week, serving a healthy portion of beer for 1€ and usually an unhealthy portion of Bon Jovi), where I met my first proper Germans and was bought rhubarb shots, which made me particularly happy. Are you seeing a pattern with the names here? Dortmund is a bit filthy all in all.

Thursday was the first Currywurst I had in Dortmund. I know, 6 days without Currywurst is a long time.

Best night out yet on Friday. Hugo (a belgian) invited us over for Crepes, where I introduced ring of fire to the international crew. Needless to say, they loved it. We attempted to go to the big club in town but only half of us made it in (because of ring of fire obviously) and went to a mexican bar. Mental is the only word. We ended up dicking about with glowsticks, dancing on the bar and having tequila poured into our mouths. The fact we were the only people there dancing didn't mean anything, it rocked.

The weekend was my first encounter with real Dortmund culture (forget all that Ruhr capital of culture rubbish), that is the beautiful coming together of beer and football. Our naive little Erasmus group met at the Hauptbahnhof at 11am, where we were also met by a ridiculous amount of Borussia Dortmund (or BVB) fans, all completely pissed and swigging beer, vodka, Jäger and just anything in the station and around the whole city. The whole city was turned black and yellow (that's their colours, there weren't any fights...) and the awesome atmosphere in the U-Bahn on the way to the stadium means in the actual place it must be amazing. This place is truly football obsessed and I love it.

A brief introduction...

Well I decided that after all this time in the Vaterland, its time to be all studenty and set up a blog. Obviously it would be stupid to write out 7 weeks in one really boring post, so I'm gonna try and sum up each of the weeks separately (what I can remember anyway). Wish me luck!